Ashima's Story

"I know that listening is important and I've tried to bring that to my work. I want the women I work with to listen to each other.

Listening is a very powerful tool. When you bring together divided people, who have such anger towards one another and see how their relationship is transformed by respecting each other’s testimonies, giving space to express emotions, share, cry, be angry. In a couple of hours, a couple of days, what unfolds is a beautiful relationship of understanding.

In my experience just listening to people’s stories can touch their hearts and give some healing to their trauma. It’s very important in regions of conflict where there are experiences of displacement, deep pain and hurt, where people don’t have platforms to speak out; that by simply listening to them you can make a major contribution to the peace process.

Wherever I have gone, whether in the Kashmiri valley or the refugee camps, just to be able to sit down with women and listen to them has had a tremendous effect. After they are done they have thanked me from the core of their hearts, that if nothing else somebody just listened to them."

Apply it »

To listen to somebody you need to be ready to hear it all – blame, insults, anger, fear, guilt, remorse. Listen without reacting and for as long as it takes for the other party to say everything they want you to hear. For the women of Kashmir, this can be months. For you, it might be a long evening in the pub. With a neutral person present if possible, ask the other person to tell you what it all feels like for them. Feed back to them what you’ve heard and ask if that’s correct? The result can be astonishing; they feel heard, and you get a glimpse of what they have gone through. You can learn to recognise each other in a different way.

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